A question on my last post has led to this one. Specifically, the comment asked whether I was questioning my own awakening. In reading again, I could see the confusion. Apparently, I hadn't been clear in communicating that it was someone else's awakening I'd been in some doubt over.
The comment misses the same point I did, however, and I wondered why this individual wanted to understand whether I had begun to question my own experience. Was it possible that they were in the midst of their own lapse in confidence and wanted to compare notes? Could it be that they only wanted to read a blog written by someone they believed to have "fully awakened" and if I didn't fit that model, they'd need to move on? This is not an uncommon belief or desire. No one wants to be led astray by some half-baked and self important writer full of her own opinions and theories.
But is it necessary to only read or talk with someone you believe to be "the real deal"... a fully awakened teacher? Do you need to wait until you've found a place of no doubt whatsoever?
The first reason is because there's no way to tell what "fully awakened" actually looks like because we're all operating, as soon as we take any action, from the perspective of a self. There may be degrees of our operating from ego, but no matter what the degree, it's an act, a character. And awakening also looks like operating from a character.
The second reason is that awakening also looks like doubt. There's no one way it appears because it is everything. Nothing is separate or apart, and so fear, doubt, ego... it's all the same. Doubt is free to be there and doesn't mean that any previous experience or insight should be dismissed or diminished.
This is really good news. It means that anyone, anywhere, and at any time, is free to be your teacher, but they can only do it through, or along with, you. When reading, listening, or watching any pointer, just look for the resonance in the moment. There's no need to find someone to model, admire, or follow, because the world itself is a teacher but there is no teaching until you allow it to be so. The ultimate judge doesn't lie outside of you.
In other words, it's All teaching, All the time. You're teaching yourself.
photo credit: The World in Her Hand by Incredi on DeviantArt